My writing process completely depends on what I’m writing. If it’s theoretical, I have to sit at my kitchen table (where my internet does not work) with a full pot of coffee, a pack of cigs handy, my ipod (only for when I take a cig break), a bottle of water, and every single notebook I’ve ever used in an english course. I love referencing theories and ideas I’ve learned in other classes for my current ones. I cannot listen to music while I’m writing something that isn’t about my life. Music inspires me to go off in to my own world, and when writing a paper about ideology in Haroun and the Sea of Stories, my teacher would not appreciate comments on my own life.

I have to write down all my ideas in a spare notebook first, then organize them in another, then type up the essay in a blank document, save, and wait until the next morning to finish. I am convinced that the portion of my brain necessary for writing such papers shuts off around 7 or 8 pm. I then try to go to sleep early and wake up around 6 to finish. My brain works best in the morning after a good night’s sleep. In the morning, I finish the intro and the conclusion, maybe make a few revisions, and then don’t look at it again. When I work on something for too long, I tend to get very redundant.

If it’s a creative piece I’m working on, I usually start my process in the classes that bore me. I am currently taking two classes that I am convinced I could teach better than my professors, which says a lot, because I think I would be an awful teacher. I fill my time in these classes writing. First, I start with writing out song lyrics. They’re usually Atmosphere, but sometimes I stray to Bright Eyes, Arcade Fire, and Eliot Smith. However, if I’m writing about my brother, I always start by writing out the lyrics to “Bandstand in the Sky” by Pete Yorn. If I’m writing about Julia, I write out the lyrics to “Proof” by I Am Kloot. Anyway, I can’t start something creative unless I have inspiration from someone I “get”. I usually start with these: “I will show you all you need to know, you must hold on to anyone that wants you, and I will love you, through simple and the struggle, but girl you’ve got to understand the modern man must hustle” “I caught you trying to hide your smile behind your glass, but all of your secrets become a swingset when you laugh, and all the regrets that you’re carrying or burrying don’t mean a damn thing if there’s nobody to share them with” “if it makes you feel better, go ahead and make me feel small, i know what you’re up to, baby, build your wall. you think you’ve seen it all and life has no surprises until you call out my name and in return you get silence” “and yes you’re in my head, but that doesn’t make you here, and i’ve lost all my friends, but you’re the one i miss the most, and i’m almost there, i’m almost to the coast, and if i had any notion, of how to drive my car across the atlantic ocean, i’d be fucking set” “i know she’s been put through hell, i can feel it, and i know she’s touched heaven as well, i’m trying to steal it”

My biggest problem with writing is that i am terrified of putting my thoughts on to a computer screen. It makes me feel so vulnerable and exposed, like everyone can see all of my thoughts and feelings. Therefore, I write everything in notebooks, which becomes a huge problem for me because i have really bad arthritis, and at times my hand doesn’t feel like completely an entire sentence without throbbing and cramping up and refusing to move. But if what I’m writing isn’t in my handwriting, or printing…whatever, I don’t feel like it’s mine. So i suffer through the pain, and inject myself with shots to try and manage the arthritis, because if I can’t use my hands to write, I don’t think I can continue.

So, I got to the library at 7am, and then I was in class from 9:30 straight until now with only a forty minute break that i spend on the phone with my parents. I spend my walks back and forth from buildings smoking a cigarette and listening to my ipod, I try not to pay attention to the people I am passing, I don’t know why I do that… Any way, being at the library at 7 in the morning is wonderful. It’s quiet, it’s not stressful, it’s open, it’s peaceful. It’s a very nice environment to study in…unless you were one of the kids who pulled an all-nighter, these kids are very easy to spot. I feel for those kids, because I’ve been one of those kids and it sucks.

One thing that really made my morning was watching one of the librarians walk in to the library as i was standing outside. This woman was the quintessential librarian. She had on a bright pink, long, wool coat on that looked like it could survive Antarctica, along with a matching hat, and… wait for it… a bag with sewn on images of cats covering every inch of space on it. This bag was not a purse, it was a bag, a big bag with cats all over it. I was wishing so badly that someone was outside with me to laugh at the irony of it all. 

Walking to my 9:30 in Boyd is miserable. It’s cold, people still haven’t really woken up yet, and everyone looks crabby. Everyone’s rushing to class because they overslept. People act like 9:30 is the crack of dawn. Hello people! The sun came up around 6:30/6:45 today… 9:30 is not early in the slightest. These people are the reason that I listen to my ipod and avoid eye contact. They act like they are the only ones who get up early… don’t schedule class that early if you’re just going to complain about it and be miserable. No one wants to hear it. 

I had a break from 11:50-12:30, which I do every tuesday and thursday. My 11 and my 12:30 are both in Bachelor, so there’s really no point in going anywhere because I’d just have to come right back. So, I like to get a drink from the vending machine and sit on one of the benches by the parking lot. Today was especially enjoyable because it was so sunny out. I sit out there and smoke and people give me bad looks, but I don’t really care. Every tuesday and thursday as I’m sitting on my bench, I see the same girl with a knee brace limp by me. I feel so bad for her. I often wonder why she walks instead of taking the bus…

I believe that the most significant relationship in a girl’s life is the one she has with her father. I believe that a girl can learn everything she needs to know about life simply by paying close attention to the conversations she has with her father throughout her life. I believe that a father is always right, no matter what. For instance, these are some of the things my father has told me over the years, and I now see how right he was: Nothing good happens after midnight. Go home at midnight. You will not miss anything you haven’t seen before, and no one will miss you, because if they are out past midnight, they probably won’t remember you leaving anyway. All men are pigs and they only want one thing. Don’t be that girl. The only man a girl can trust immediately is her father, and if she can’t trust him, she’s screwed for life. You have an addictive personality, you’re a Healy, it is in our blood. Don’t try things you’ll regret later, because you never know when addiction will set in. A good salesman always carries a pen with him. Always keep a pen in your purse and in your coat. Carry matches with you at all times, a smoker should never be without a light. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Take time to enjoy it. Do what makes you happy and what you’re good at. Don’t ever embarrass me by being be the kid that doesn’t respect their elders. Say please and thank you whenever possible. When someone asks you how you are, always make sure you ask how they are as well. Not everyone in the world can be wrong and only you be right; if people you trust tell you that you are not making the right move, listen to them. Don’t ever do anything that conflicts with common sense. Don’t go out so hard on a school night that you need a beer in order to go to class the next day. Work harder than you play. Show respect and demand it back. There are a lot of stupid people in this world. Try your hardest to not associate yourself with these people. Relationships should not be hard, whether it be with a friend or boyfriend. If the relationship is not making your life easier, you should not have a relationship with that person. Appreciate the ability to walk and talk; some people aren’t as lucky as you. Pick your battles. Don’t start something out of nothing. If you’re in a bad mood, let the people close to you know how you’re feeling so they don’t think you’re being a bitch. Speak up when something little bothers you so it doesn’t turn in to something bigger. Befriend the shy kids, you’ll never be able to begin to understand how hard it is to be shy and you taking the first step will mean more to them than you could ever know. Don’t date people your friends don’t like; they’re probably seeing something about him you are not. Don’t compare guys to me, they’ll go running for the hills if they think that’s what the rest of their lives will be like. Learn how to play golf well; it will come in handy in the real world. Share yourself with people. Respect your mother, but don’t ever become her. If you can’t have an equal relationship, make sure you have the upper hand. Your body is like a car, it needs fuel to function; eat right and often. If you’re going out with a long day ahead of you, have a glass of water between each beer. You’ll be amazed at what this can do for you. It’s better to be the friend who has to remind you of what you did the night before rather than being the one who needs reminding. Go away and see the world, but don’t ever forget where you’re from. I have given you everything I possibly could have. Don’t make me regret that by acting like a spoiled brat. Give people a reason to appreciate you. The ‘Karma Train” is a bitch, what goes around comes around, don’t ever forget that. Don’t depend on anyone but yourself, but be the type of person others can depend on. People can’t let you down if you didn’t trust them in the first place. Be friends with everyone, but know who will really be there when you need them. It’s okay if you’re a better friend to others than they are to you. I’d do anything for any of my friends, but there are only a few of them I would call if I really needed something. Don’t have enemies, but if you do, kill them with kindness. You may think your teachers don’t know what they’re talking about and that they don’t understand you; you are wrong. They know exactly what they’re talking about and understand what you’re going through… they’ve been in your position. College is tough, real life is a lot harder. All-nighters do not work, trust me, I’ve tried them. Study a little bit each day, I promise you it will pay off. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Network as much as possible. Don’t ever be too proud to ask questions. If you need help, ask for it! Understand that not everyone has been through what you have and that things that may seem little to you are really just teaching people to deal with tough things you’ve unfortunately already had to deal with. Money is not the source to happiness, it just makes unhappy people’s lives a bit easier to deal with. Don’t ever live your life so that your happiness depends on money, and don’t surround yourself with people that do. Appreciate nature. Look at the moon. Read the newspaper. Know what is going on in the world. Don’t act like an idiot. Don’t ever dismiss something before you try it. If someone hurts you once, it’s their fault; if they hurt you twice, it’s there fault for trusting them again. Don’t dwell on mistakes…learn from them. Don’t focus on the things in life you cannot change, focus on the things you can. 

Home to me is not my parents house, where I live when I am not at school. Home should bring a sense of comfort, and that house only brings me pain and anxiety. That house on Pleasant Lane is not a home; there is no love or comfort. For me, home is here, it is Wigwam. Home is sharing a room with my best friend. Home is knowing that I can come home from an awful day and she’ll be there to listen to me and make me laugh. She is my home. My home is Julia’s couch. My home are long walks with Matt. My ipod is my home. Atmosphere is my home. Arcade Fire is my home. My “homes” allow me to escape from what I hate at my residential home on Pleasant Lane. My “homes” here bring me the comforts that Pleasant Lane lacks. I don’t need Pleasant Lane, the only thing keeping me there is my father, he is my ultimate home. But when I miss him, my home, all I have to do is call and I feel “home” again. My favorite weekends have been when he is here, sharing my “home” with me. As hard as it is to admit, Oxford is my home. It is where I feel comfortable because of the people I am surrounded by. In the brillian words of the Talking Heads, “Home is where I want to be, but I guess I’m already there…”

this is what i can write off the top of my head… 

i want to follow the footprints across my lover’s stomach, i want to call out her name before i plummet, i wish i had a map of the terrain so i could step around the land mines, avoid the beasts under the bed that bring the bad times. i want to find this here to called pleasure. the treasure, the trinkets, the never-ending weekends. 

forget about the fact that many trails have been tracked, maybe its a plus that there’s a path. if this was some uncharted land i’d have to be a stronger man, willing to travel the farthest to unravel the harvest. 

if i could show you, you would never leave it. and if i could show you, you would never leave me. 

i want to ride a train up my lover’s arm, destination the brain, get out and find out what’s going on. climb through trees and ride through rocks and synchronize the universal sundial to my watch. i’ve seen a lot, but not quite as much as her to top it off her memory and her imagination blurred. i know she’s been put through hell, i can feel it, and i know she’s touched heaven as well, i’m trying to steal it. it came on, and taught the song, strung her along, and caught her when that guard was gone. and to the break of dawn, she wants to feel that fix, and all her family and friends are trying to seal them lips. i’m not dumb, i can hear that train come from miles away, i’m setting up obstacles to stop the arrival. 

and if i could show you, you would never leave me.

When I respond to other people’s writing, I like to tell them what I enjoyed most about their work and what their strengths are. 

Well, after completing changing my entire piece, I’m back to square one in the drafting process and I am going to need some help to make it better. At this point, I’m looking for significant feedback such as problems with organization, awkward wording, or ideas to make it better. 

Because it’s such a personal piece, I’m not looking for any kind of response from my readers because I don’t plan on sharing it with anyone that I don’t really have to… I’m pretty shy about my writing.